The defintion of selling out, according to Wikipedia:
The compromising of (or the perception of compromising) integrity, morality, or principles in exchange for money or “success” (however defined). It is commonly associated with attempts to tailor material to a mainstream audience. Any artist who expands their creative path to encompass a wider audience, as opposed to continuing in the genre and venues of their initial success may be disdainfully labeled by disapproving fans as a sellout.
I pride myself on being the rebel. The underdog. The odd one out. Secretly, I crave acceptance and being able to fit in, but I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I were to start experiencing either of those things.
I made a vow to myself when Firelands came out that I wouldn’t go discipline unless I absolutely had to, unless I could really show that discipline was leaps and bounds better than holy. I felt like I owed it to myself and I owed it to my readers to do this. My most viewed posts for weeks on end have been the ones relating strictly to holy priests.
People want to see a holy priest doing well. They want to see a holy priest telling them that things are OK and that they don’t have to go discipline to get by in Firelands. My loot listings, my theorycrafting posts, my trinket discussion; those are what people are coming to my page to see. They don’t want to read about yet another holy priest throwing up their hands and caving into the pressure of having to go discipline to make it through this tier.
So far, I have only had to go discipline for one encounter and that was for Baleroc. I simply could not keep my targets alive as a holy priest in Chakra: Serenity. I wasn’t building enough stacks of Vile Spark to make a difference, mostly because the spells in my arsenal couldn’t build stacks as well as those that a discipline priest has at their disposal. I was losing my healing assignments, people were dying. To me, that was a no-brainer. I went discipline for that fight and we started to down it much more smoothly and regularly.
Cut to last week and we’re working on Alysrazor. I’m really struggling with the tornadoes and dying before P2 even starts. That’s where I should be making my money as a healer. I should be dropping HW: Sanctuary, dropping a Lightwell and blowing up the raid with heals. But I’m not, because I’m dead and I’m not grasping the tornado mechanic. As I’m running back after a wipe my healing lead asks me if I wouldn’t mind going discipline for this fight. I tell him that I would mind because I haven’t made it to P2 enough to determine that we need another Barrier and that holy is that inefficient for this encounter.
Once I started getting the hang of the tornadoes and making it into P2 and P3 (which is basically just a repeat of P1) consistently, I felt like I was doing quite well. In fact, our best attempt (getting her down to 3.2%) was done when I was holy and so were the next best attempts. My being holy had nothing to do with why we failed to get her down. We were losing DPS in the final round of tornadoes, which a discipline priest couldn’t have prevented. The two had nothing to do with each other.
The next day, I received a private message on our boards again asking me if I would go discipline for that fight. I replied that I am open to going discipline, if the fight truly warrants it and based on what I was seeing and experiencing this one doesn’t require me to do that. The person who messaged me was polite, but did mention that there could be consequences for not doing what’s best for the overall group and I should be aware of that before I make my decision. Unlike most guilds or raids I’ve been in, I know that when this group says there are going to be consequences there will be consequences.
I really like running with these people. I’m proud to be associated with them. I have a lot of fun when I’m with them. I don’t want to let these people down. But at the same time, I don’t want this to become a habit and I’m afraid that it will be. I haven’t seen Majordomo or Ragnaros yet. I haven’t done anything in Firelands on Heroic mode, but I know what I’m hearing from various sources and it’s not good. I’ve managed to shrug off the chants of “Go disc or go home.” I’ve managed to avoid various forums and discussions that have made me lose faith in the very community that I belong to, because of how quickly everyone else seems to have thrown in the towel and given up on a spec that they love to play. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing those things.
I received a Tweet yesterday that literally warmed my heart and made me smile:
I love the fact Paragon uses holy priest 5/7 FL. I betrayed myself using Disc too much. I love that you’ve stayed true to holy.
Someone out there counts on me to do the right thing, to stay true to what I believe in. Maybe others do, too. I can’t help but feel like I would be letting people down if I did this, if I kept doing this and by this I mean going discipline. I would feel like I caved, like I gave up. Like I sold out. For someone like me, that’s the worst feeling in the world. I want to believe that anyone can be successful on their own terms and I have been living proof of that. Now here I am, faced with the prospect of doing something I don’t believe in just to get ahead and this may not be the last time I’m asked to do that, either.
So where do you draw the line? When do the ends justify the means? What do you do when you have reached that point where compromise becomes compromising?
Is it worth it?